I think I was a little selfish.
I used that kind of method to make him my “lover”, in fact, it was in order for me to find the feel of a role that was difficult for me to act.
Lan Yu, a very simple and very beautiful name.
After reading the script I went on the Internet to find the original work of the Beijing story, I had to admit that Lan Yu was all about love, and a near perfect image in the eyes of men and women, he was persevering, single-minded, infatuated, sensible, passionate, adorable, sincere, and kindhearted.
A person like this, was this someone I could play?
I remembered the first day of acting class, the teacher had asked us to take turns to bark, walk and eat like a dog, he had said that later on when we faced the camera lens we must be able to do everything, this was just a piece of cake.
During my four years in film school, I had learned to play mahjong with the director and deliberately lose money, learned methods of how to pull relationships with a pool of resources, I had learned a lot of things that I despised, as sweet as syrup.
Fortunately, I came out early.
I didn’t need to go to bed with male directors like my classmates. These boys were also fooling around with women too.
Relying on luck I soon made a name for myself, I did not need to imitate my classmates, the girls and guys would go to bed with the directors, male students would fool around with female producers.
For long I had not been clean, from the beginning my heart wasn’t clean.
I couldn’t play this person called Lan Yu, I was deeply aware of it but I was not willing to accept it.
This role was not only a test of one’s acting, the success of this role also meant fame and glory.
I did not want to give up
Therefore I used him.
Because I thought that he was very clean. Very pure.
His kind of love was the kind that was willing to pay and the kind that was full of dedication, it gave me a fresh feeling and I was almost moved by jealousy.
When I was willing to face up to that fact, I toward him,
In fact, very early very early very early before
My heart had begun to become pregnant with feeling.
Just like he gave me
A really heavy feeling.